


Lisa Has a Good Day, For Once

by reilgun



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: F/F, Multi, april fools stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23949250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reilgun/pseuds/reilgun
Summary: This was made for the Cauldron 2020 Foolfic Give-a-Fic-a-Thon. Hopefully it is something which can be enjoyed.
Relationships: Lisa Wilbourn/Taylor Hebert/Amy Dallon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Lisa Has a Good Day, For Once

“You know, I’m having a good day for once.”

“Oh yeah?” Taylor looked at her with her bug eyes and tilted her head. “Really?”

“Yeah, I asked myself the same thing. I mean, I’m Lisa, right, and I’m having a good day? Something’s got to be up. That’s what I said to myself, I said ‘something has  _ got _ to be up.’ I said that in the mirror, you know?”

“Uh-huh.” She nodded, and totally got it. I mean, really, this was  _ Lisa _ they were talking about _. _ Something  _ had  _ to be up.

“Is Accord dead?”

“One sec.” She used her bug powers to check on the state of Accord’s mortality, which was easy to do with all of the bugs she had that she could control. “No, he’s not dead.”

“Damn. Worth a shot.”

“Yep.”

“You know, and the fucked up thing is that even knowing that..? I’m still having a good day.”

“That’s a pretty fucked up thing, yeah. Because, I mean, you’re Lisa.”

“Yeah, I’m Lisa.”

“Do you think you're okay?”

“Well, I mean, I'm  _ more _ than okay. I'm, like, good and shit.” Taylor winced at the word ‘good’ coming from Lisa’s mouth in reference to the kind of day she was having.

“No, I mean.. Do you think this is a Master thing? Maybe Cherish got out?”

_ “Did _ Cherish get out?”

“One sec.” She checked in on Butcher number 69 or so with her many bugs that were kept there, underwater and far away. “Nope, she didn't get out.”

“Okay, good.” Lisa paused and furrowed her brow at her girlfriend Taylor the bug girl. “Is that even how Cherish works?”

“I dunno.” She shrugged. “I didn't get that far before moving to fanfic.”

“Yeah, same.”

“Leviathan?” the bug girl asked.

“Uh-huh, Leviathan.”

“Mm, maybe our girlfriend Amy knows?”

“Oh, our girlfriend Amy, also known as Panacea of the New Wave, an experimental attempt at blurring the separation between civilian and caped identity?”

“Yeah, that girlfriend.” It was another bright idea from the very smart and bug controlling Taylor Hebert.  _ Wow, I love my smart bug girlfriend Taylor Hebert, _ thought Lisa.

“That’s a very good idea, I’ll go ask her once I’m done reinventing calculus in the snarkiest way possible.”

“Okay. Be careful, because” - she said both of those like bee, as in the little yellow guys - “I don’t want you to get a big headache for your Lisa brain and ruin your good day that you’re having for once.”

“Thank you for your care and support on my good day, girlfriend Taylor. I love you as much as I love the day I’m having, and more.”

“Aww, thanks babe Lisa my girlfriend. Call you later.”

“Okay, bye.” And then they hung up, and Lisa reinvented calculus in the snarkiest way possible, and it was very cool.

Now that that was out of the way, she decided it’d be a good idea to go see her superhero girlfriend Amy Dallon and get some advice. If worst came to worst they could always just have her remove the good day gland with her superpowers that she had. That would probably be a very effective solution if the mystery couldn’t be solved, but since when had Lisa ever not been able to solve a mystery? If she were thrown into a murder mystery, for instance, there was no way she wouldn’t be able to completely destroy that thing in a few seconds.

“Hey,” Brian, who was now there, said. “What’s up, Lisa?”

“Oh, hey, Brian, I’m having a good day and I’m not sure why. I was just about to go talk to one of my two girlfriends about it because I just got done talking to the other one named Taylor.” He was still a bit sore about having his girlfriend stolen, but he understood it was just because nobody liked him, so there weren’t any hard feelings.

“Hmm..” He took a moment to really consider it, to try to think of why she might’ve been having such a good day. “Is Accord dead?”

“Nah, Taylor already checked.”

“Hmmmmm..” He paced back and forth for a while, giving her situation a real good thinking, before he came up with an idea. “Oh, have you read any good Garfields today?”

“Fuck, I hadn’t considered that. I did read a pretty good Garfield earlier, yeah.”

“That’s probably it, then.”

“Mm, that’s a pretty sound theory, but here’s the thing, right? I read a  _ lot _ of good Garfields in all sorts of days. It certainly helped make the day better, but I don’t think it could be the deciding factor. Because I mean, let’s face it, all Garfields are good.”

He nodded, accepting the truth of her words. It was really just an undeniable fact, and he was probably feeling pretty foolish for even considering what he had. Wordlessly, she left the room because she didn’t want to talk to him anymore, and then he stopped being important to the story. She had bigger fish to fry, and right at that moment that fish was her girlfriend Amy Dallon, who she was dating.

She went outside to begin her search, but to her surprise Amy was already on the way to bring some flowers, and they met on the doorstep and then kissed, because that’s what girlfriends do sometimes when they both want to.

“Hey Amy.”

“Hey Lisa! I just got done with my daily woobification training, and I thought,  _ ‘hey, what if I got my girlfriend Lisa flowers since she always has bad days all the time?’  _ So I got you some flowers, right, but then  _ Taylor _ tells me through bugs that you’re having a good day? And then she made the bugs form a heart which is a very romantic thing to do because we all love bugs so much thanks to our relationship to our girlfriend Taylor!”

“Oh, wow, that’s so thoughtful and also cute. Yeah, you know, I have been having a really good day today, and was just going to see if you could help me figure out why that might be. Any ideas?”

“Nope, but I could maybe turn these flowers into angry piles of spinach?”

“No thank you,” Lisa said to her girlfriend Amy, and her boundaries were respected because that was something that Amy had always excelled at doing.

“Okay.” And then she leaned forward and they kissed and it was the best kiss ever on their lips, like it was every time because they were both good at it from all the practice on each other that they had.

“Wow, thanks for the great kiss, babe.”

“Of course, that is what girlfriends are for except not really because that’s a toxic mindset that objectifies a human person and plays into systemic misogyny.”

“You are so right and correct, wow. Maybe  _ this _ is why I’m having a good day, because my girlfriend Amy Dallon is here and being so right and correct.”

“But then you would’ve been not having a good day until right now.”

“Oh yeah, damn, you’re so right and correct,” Lisa said about her girlfriend Amy.

“I know,” Amy said back, and then Taylor appeared.

“Hi, I’m here now,” said Taylor. “Any luck on figuring out what’s going on?”

“No,” Amy and Lisa both said at the same time to their girlfriend Taylor.

“Damn.”

“Well,” Lisa said, “thanks for coming by, but I think I should go off on my own to try to figure out what’s going on. If you two are with me for the whole adventure, I might get distracted by your abs or fitness boobs and miss the evidence.” The two of them nodded in total understanding, because they all had such good communication skills, and then Lisa left.

Lisa was having a pretty good day, for once, even as she walked through Brockton Bay. In the wake of Leviathan, many people thought the fic would be canceled, but they’d managed to trudge onward. Maybe Lisa was just marveling at how nice it was to be alive with her two wonderful girlfriends? Probably not, since this was the first time in her life it had been ‘nice’ to be alive in so long, since she didn’t usually have good days.

Her territory, which had been super easy to get due to just how powerful and cool she was, seemed like it was doing pretty well. Of course, that could also largely be credited to the support of the PRT that she’d gotten after she started dating Amy, but giving credit where it was due was for non-capes.

All around her, people were doing things and saying words, and god if it wasn’t beautiful. Could anyone really recall a time when things were any more cool as fuck than they were at the moment? Maybe the satisfaction of a job well done had finally caught up to her? Or, oh, maybe she’d slept really well? Right on cue, she yawned.  _ Nope, slept like shit. _ With that on the mind, she figured she could detour to pick up some coffee.

Ever since Leviathan had hit, the coffee had been really low quality. Lisa wasn’t one to spread conspiracies \- except for all the times she absolutely was one to do that, which was most of the time - but she was pretty sure they were using Parian’s swamp for the water. It tasted fine, of course, because coffee was always at least fine after six or so packets of sugar, but it lacked that _healthy_ bean flavor.

Because she ran out of things to think about on the way to the coffee shop, she immediately ceased all brain activity for the rest of the walk, coming to the instant she was in the store. Wouldn’t you know it, she’d arrived just in time for the coffee shop AU.

“Hey, what can I get you?” asked Armsmaster, the owner of the shop. He was so cool with his giant weapon- I mean coffee brewer. Because, of course, everyone’s power was coffee related. Or, failing that, at least scones tended to be involved. Coffee Tinkers were notorious in all parts of the world, as they’d completely changed the market. No longer were the days of regular, natural coffee shop owners. No, in this day and age, everyone-

“Wait, this is stupid.” She stole a coffee, because she’s a villain, and left. Then, because she was having a good day for once, she decided to show off how overpowered she was.

She’d taken on Coil - all by herself with no help whatsoever - and come out on top. Basically everyone knew how ridiculously strong she was thanks to her superpower that she had, but she still liked to remind the heroes that she was totally better than them every once in a while.

Within moments she was at the heroes’ headquarters, because they’d set up the coffee shop a block away so Armsmaster could come help when he was needed. Downing the entire espresso in one gulp, she tossed the empty cup onto the ground, adding littering to her innumerable variety of crimes. Of course, this was  _ the _ most vile of all of them, because littering is totally fucked up.

After changing in record speed into her costume, she pushed through the front door and looked around, her power going into overdrive to give all the super useful information. Basically every single one of the cool Wards was there, as was Dragon because she’s also cool. As soon as they saw her, they knew she meant business.

Vista did nothing because there were too many people around, but damn if she didn’t look cool while doing it. Shadow Stalker zoomed forward, but Lisa tased her and she’s dead now. Clockblocker also tried to do something but Lisa was so cool and good at avoiding his touch that she did that, and then she shot him with Shadow Stalker’s crossbow thing which was  _ very _ cool. Then, she fought like six other guys and beat them just as easily.

“Yo,” she said, kicking someone’s teeth in. “I’m basically Contessa in this fic.” Stepping over the hero’s limp body, she looked back at all the damage she’d caused. “That’s pretty epic.”

“Tattletale,” Piggot said because she was alive because she’s the only director people care about. “What the fuck? I hate capes.”

“Oh, hey Piggo. Sup?” Piggot sighed super loudly.

“Tattletale you cannot just keep doing this!” she yelled, but she was pretty chill about it. “This is like, the fourth time this week, and we can’t have it. We have an image to maintain and stuff. Why don’t you go attack Nilbog with your superpowers?”

“I don’t want to because that sounds stupid.” She shrugged. “Anyways, you’re kind of smart; you want to help me figure out why I’m having a good day for once?”

“No.” She started the long process of cleaning up the mess of the fight, stepping on some heroes’ hands like they didn’t matter, which was fine because they didn’t really matter.

“Oh.” This took her off guard, because usually Piggot was super supportive and nice to everyone, and very social.

“Because that’s stupid, since you’re having it already. Congrats, by the way.”

“Thank you.”  _ Wow, a congratulations from Piggot? My day just keeps getting better and better. _

“Anyways, if you’re having a good day” - she grabbed a plastic bag and pulled it over one of the heroes’ head - “then just enjoy it? It’s not that hard of a concept. If you waste your whole day trying to figure out why you’re enjoying it, you won’t enjoy it.”

“Okay, but it’s not just me enjoying it, it’s that it’s  _ good _ for once.”

“This changes nothing and is also irrelevant.”  _ Damn, _ Lisa thought,  _ that is such solid logic. _

“Thanks Piggero, I’m going to go do what the cool kids are calling ‘relaxation’. And also drugs because I’m a villain so I have access to those.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.” And then she left the building and looked up at the sun and it was still only like noon. “Huh, what can I do with the rest of my day?” Though the question was asked, it was obvious what she’d be doing, and she smirked at the camera with a vulpine grin.

[cut to black because this is a play now]

[and then open on Lisa laying in bed with her two girlfriends Amy and Taylor and they’re doing kisses romantically]

**LISA:** This is so sick. (kiss sound)

**TAYLOR AND AMY:** Yeah. (more of that)

[the three kissed for like 10 hours because they’re girlfriends and then everyone left Lisa alone because it was her bedtime and Mom said no sleepovers]

**LISA, TO HERSELF:** Wow, I’m so glad I had such a good day, even if I never found out why it was so good. I’m so cool and epic and my girlfriends smoke weed.

[Lisa gets up to get some water, drinks it, and then goes back into bed but stops before getting in it]

**LISA:** Wait a fucking second.

[Lisa inspects the bed and then realizes that SOMEONE turned it around 180 degrees in her sleep]

**LISA:** Oh shit, with the power of my very awesome power, I just figured it out. The big secret of this whole day has come to a close, because I get it now. One could even say I am aware of the truth of reality, since this whole thing was basically my only reason for existing. Oh damn.

[Lisa takes a deep breath and then crawls into bed and goes to sleep]

**LISA, SLEEP-TALKING:** I got up on the right side of the bed and that is the reason why my day was so good.

**THE END**

[and everyone clapped]


End file.
